


There is Always Next Time

by LeosVIXXen



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Angst, Depression, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fear, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Married Couple, Miscarriage, Parenthood, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 09:58:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19990240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeosVIXXen/pseuds/LeosVIXXen
Summary: After trying for almost two years to have a baby with your husband, neither of you had ever dreamed that things would go wrong once you finally conceived.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. This is my first time posting my fanfiction online for people other than my best friend and beta to see. I hope that you can enjoy this as well. Comments and kudos are appreciated, as always! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Special thanks to @n-the-giraffe (tumblr) for being an amazing beta!

You had carefully laid the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter, making sure that it was perfectly level, and had told yourself that you would wait the five minutes for the result to show. Less than two minutes in, you were clutching the test in your hands, sitting on your bathroom floor. Taek would be due home any minute, and you hadn’t told him yet that you had missed your period. He would be overjoyed, but after nearly two years of trying, you wouldn’t let yourself get your hopes up. That’s why you hadn’t told him yet. You couldn’t bear to see the pain and disappointment in his eyes when he saw you shake your head when you came out of the bathroom.

You watched as a second blue line slowly began to appear, stopping your breath and nearly your heart. When the timer on your phone went off, the line was clearly there, and you scrambled to shut the alarm off. _Pregnant. I’m – I’m actually pregnant._

You heard the lock click open as your husband opened the door. You listened to the sounds of him taking off his shoes and putting them on the rack. You could hear him stack the mail on your desk, and hang his keys on the hook. Finally, you heard him enter your bedroom. You couldn’t move to greet him. You were too afraid that if you moved, you would wake up and this dream would be over.

“Y/N?” he asked. You knew he was looking around the room as if you would materialize out of thin air.

“In – in here,” you said, your voice shaky. He walked into your bathroom and fell to his knees at your side when he saw you on the ground.

“Are you okay?” he asked, cupping your cheek. Tears streamed down your face as you looked up into his worried eyes. “What’s wrong?”

You didn’t respond. Instead, you held the test out to him. He took it, solemnly, expecting yet another negative. He stared at it for a while before frantically pulling the box out of the trash can in order to check that those lines really meant what he thought they did.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked, his eyes brimming with tears as a smile broke out across his face. “Really?”

He pulled you into his arms when you nodded, cradling you to his chest. You weren’t sure how long you sat like that, curled into one another in the bathroom floor.

***

Ten weeks later, you had your first ultrasound. Taekwoon had managed to get a few hours of his schedule opened up to accompany you, and you held hands in the waiting room like you were lovestruck teenagers. When the doctor called you back, they took your vital signs and asked general questions about both of your medical histories, creating a file for this new life.

Finally, it was time for the actual ultrasound, and you quickly got over your embarrassment at a stranger seeing your bare stomach when you saw the small shape on the screen. In all honesty, it really didn’t look much like a baby yet, but it was _yours_ and that was the most important part to you both. In the middle of that little bean-shaped figure on the screen, there was a tiny blur. The nurse turned up the audio, and you cried when you heard that tiny, rapid heartbeat for the first time.

Taek was gripping your hand so hard that it hurt, but you didn’t care. This was the moment you had been hoping for. You had been trying for two years, and had been married for three. You knew that what Taek wanted more than anything else was to raise a family with you, and that dream was finally coming true.

The nurse printed off images of your baby and wrapped them in tissue, giving them to you to bring home. You had somehow managed to keep Taek from telling anyone until after the ultrasound. You knew that within the next hour the entirety of VIXX and all of his extended family would know the good news. Of course, you had both told your parents, but they were the only ones who knew.

Taek pulled you close to him in the hallway while you were alone, kissing you.

“I love you, eommi,” he said.

“I love you too,” you said, smiling into the kiss.

***

You had made it through your first trimester and felt like you were on top of the world. Taek had been performing better than ever. All of his friends commented about how they hadn’t seen him this happy since you had married him.

You were going about your day when you felt the slightest twinge of pain in your lower stomach. You paused, placing a hand over the pain in an attempt to rub it away. It eased, but a few minutes later it came back. You waved the anxiety away, telling yourself it was just your body adjusting to the changes, that your ligaments were loosening and your muscles stretching.

You had packed a lunch for Taekwoon, as you normally did, and headed off to the studio to deliver it to him. When you arrived, he had kissed you and then leaned down to kiss your tummy. It didn’t matter to him that the baby wasn’t quite riding that high just yet, it was the thought that counted to him. As the two of you sat in the corner eating, he noticed you flinch, another pain coming on.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, ducking down so that he could see into your eyes.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” you said, giving him a half smile.

“Tell me the truth. Something isn’t right. I know you well enough to know when you’re lying.”

“I have had a little bit of pain today, but I think it’s just me adjusting.”

Taekwoon began packing up your lunches and gathering his things.

“What are you doing?” you asked, the quick change in his demeanor scaring you a little.

“I am taking you to the hospital,” he said, taking your hand and helping you to your feet.

“It’s really not that bad,” you insisted, your eyes pleading with him.

“Then they can tell us you’re fine when we get there.”

“At least let me go to the bathroom first,” you said. When he nodded you walked down the hall to the toilet. When you sat down and looked at your underwear you choked back a sob. You were bleeding.

***

They had performed an ultrasound immediately, and had informed you that your placenta had detached, and that there was no way the baby would survive. You had been inconsolable and they had sedated you. Your memory was fuzzy at best. While you were sedated, Taekwoon had signed release forms to allow the doctors to do a procedure that would accelerate the miscarriage and prevent any chances of sepsis later on.

When you woke up several hours later, your head was fuzzy from a mix of the sedative and the general anesthetic. You blinked, looking around the room for Taekwoon. He was sitting in a chair to your right, his head in his hands. Your mouth was too dry for you to speak, and it hurt when you attempted to call his name. You lifted your hand, shakily, and his got his attention. He jumped up to be at your side, his eyes red from crying.

“Hey, baby,” he whispered, stroking your hair. “How are you feeling?” You gestured toward the pitcher of water on the table, just out of your reach. He gave you a sip of the water and you cleared your throat.

“Not great,” you croaked.

“They said your throat would probably be sore from the tube,” he explained. “What do you remember?”

“Not much after we got here,” you said. “They said something was wrong with me. The baby?” Taekwoon shook his head, wiping the tears from your eyes. You had started crying again, and so had he.

“I am so sorry,” you sobbed. He pulled you into his arms.

“What are you sorry for?” he asked, holding you.

“For losing your baby,” you said. “Our baby.”

“Oh, honey, that isn’t your fault,” he said, leaning back to look into your eyes. “This is no one’s fault.”

“It feels like it is,” you said, sobbing into his shoulder. “I failed you.”

“No, you didn’t, baby,” he said, holding you tighter. “There’s always next time.”

“Next time?” you said, pulling away from him, with hurt in your eyes. “It took us two years of trying to even have this one.”

“And I plan to be with you for the rest of our life,” he said. “I know this is hard, I know you’re hurting and that it feels like nothing will ever be okay again, but I promise that it will be okay because we still have each other.”

You didn’t know how long you cried in his arms, but when you looked up again, it had started raining. This realization only made you cry harder, pulling Taekwoon closer to you. He had been holding it together for you, trying to be strong; but he finally broke, and you sobbed together. He shifted to sit next to you in your hospital bed, and pulled you into his lap. You rested your cheek against his chest, and he rested his chin on top of your head.

“I know how badly you wanted this baby,” you whispered.

“And I know how badly you wanted to be able to have one.”

“You will really want to try again? Even if it happens again?”

“I will always love you, babies or not. And if it happens again, I will be right here with you through it all. And if you don’t think you want to do that, then we can look into adopting. Or I can be happy if it’s just you and me. No matter what happens, we have each other.”

“I love you, Jung Taekwoon,” you said, leaning up to kiss him.

As painful as it was, and as horrible as this day had gone, Taekwoon was right. There was always next time. If it wasn’t next time, they still had a lifetime together. It wasn’t okay now, but one day down the road you knew that both of you would be happy again.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after a tragic miscarriage, you find yourself pregnant again. This time, the memories of the year before are shadowing the experience.

You were washing the windows in the apartment you shared with your husband. For several months, you had fallen behind on a lot of your daily tasks. Taekwoon had even convinced you to leave your job for a while so that you would have time to process your loss in your own way. For a long time, that meant depression-induced naps, eating instant ramen out of the Styrofoam cups it was sold in at the gas station down the street, and sitting for hours staring out of the window at the street below.

Taekwoon poured himself into his work, writing songs for a new solo album and rehearsing for more hours than ever before. He had taken to sleeping at the studio almost as much as Wonshik did. He was admittedly eating less than he should be, almost as little as when he was promoting Muse years ago. It wasn’t that you didn’t care, it was that you did not have the energy or the will to get up and make him lunch and dinner the way that you always had.

He never blamed you, not for anything: not for your inability to cook and clean for him, your inability to work (he said he made enough money for you both, anyway), or for your inability to bear him a child. He didn’t even blame you when you said that you weren’t sure that you were ready to try for another baby. You were even somewhat resistant to adopting right now, because the grief was too fresh for you to even be around children.

Today you had woken up and told yourself that something had to change. You put on some old music and played it loudly as you cleaned the kitchen. The dirty dishes that were piling up were washed, and the refrigerator was cleaned out. After that you moved through the rest of the house in a type of frenzy. Nothing else in your life was in your control, but you could clean this house, damn it.

When Taekwoon walked through the door, he was greeted with the old songs and the scent of the lemon cleaner you were using on the windows. You didn’t hear him approach because of the volume, but he did hear you singing along softly. He stood at the doorway to your living room for a while, watching you. It had been so long since he had heard you sing, and from the time you had started dating you had sung together.

Finally, he stepped up behind you, wrapping his strong arms around you and burying his face in your hair. You jumped slightly before realizing who it was, and you relaxed into his arms. It had been so long since you had allowed him to touch you, to hold you. To be honest you had missed this most of all. He had been trying all along, but you hadn’t been ready. Now, you leaned back into his touch. A chuckle rumbled through his chest.

“Hey, beautiful,” he kissed the edge of your ear. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too,” you said, turning in his arms and running your arms around his waist. You stood like this for a moment, and then a slower song came on. He began to gently sway you to the music. You danced with him for the length of the song, without talking. When a faster one followed it, he pulled back to look at you.

“Want me to order chicken?” he asked. Right about then your stomach growled, and he laughed before walking over to turn the music down. He gestured with his phone as he stepped out of the room, telling her that he was taking care of supper.

While he was gone, you got to work building a blanket fort in the living room. Then you packed all the pillows that you could find into the cavern you had made. After placing a lamp in there, you decided it was perfect. Taekwoon didn’t enter the room again until the bell rang, signaling the food was here. He had showered during the wait, and came out in a black tee shirt and sweat pants, water still dripping from his blond hair. You smiled when you saw his face light up at the sight of your creation.

You sat in the fort for hours, eating and talking. It seemed like it had been so long since you had really spoken to each other. He told you about the new song that he was writing, and you told him about the book that your sister had sent you the month before. It felt like you were falling in love all over again. That night, you slept with his arm around your waist and his face in the crook of your neck, feeling safe and loved for the first time in a long time.

***

You woke up early that Saturday morning, and crept out of bed. It was one of Taek’s few days off, and you had decided to make him breakfast in bed. Everything was fine until you tried to fry some bacon. Suddenly, the scent of one of your favorite foods was too much for you to handle and you ran to the empty sink, retching. Just then Taek walked in, and when he saw you leaning over the sink trying to wash your sick down the drain he came over to your side.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked, concern written across his face. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I was making you breakfast, and – and –” she trailed off, tears falling from her eyes.

“Hey, hey,” he said, scooping you up against his chest. “It’s okay honey. Do you want me to take you to the doctor?”  
“No, no,” you said. “I’m sure it’s just a stomach bug.”

He put you to bed and brought you some toast. You thought for sure that would be the end of it, but every morning for the next week you found yourself throwing up. You had never been one to be sick before, it was rare that you came down with illnesses like this. You decided that you would step out to the doctor today and see if there was some sort of treatment for your illness.

The clinic nurse took your vital signs and wrote down your symptoms.

“Have you had any other stomach complaints other than nausea and vomiting?” she asked.  
“No, none at all. No fever either,” you responded.

“I see,” she said. “And when was your last cycle?”

“What?” you said, a confused look passing over your face. “Why does that matter when I am here for a stomach bug?”

“Well, Mrs. Jung,” the nurse said, smiling. “You appear to have symptoms that could align with early pregnancy.”

“I – but,” you stammered, taken off guard by her tentative diagnosis.

“Well, there’s one way to be sure,” she said. “Let’s get a test run and we can go from there.”

Walking out of the clinic a few minutes later, your head was spinning. You sat down on a bench and tried to steady your breathing. When the bus arrived, you boarded it and rode it toward the studio. You couldn’t believe what was happening.

When you walked into the practice room, all of the members greeted you, and Taek walked up and kissed your cheek. Hakyeon called for the group to take a quick break, and the others filtered out of the room. You silently thanked him for finding a way to give you privacy.

“How are you feeling, love?” he asked, smiling. “And to what do I owe your visit?”

“I went to the doctor today,” you said, your face straight. His look immediately grew panicked.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hands on your shoulder.

“I – they said I’m pregnant.” He stared at you for a long time before answering.

“But I thought we had taken precautions to prevent that, until you were ready?” he asked, gravely.

“We were,” you sighed. “But apparently that failed.”

“We are having a baby,” he said, stunned.

“I said I’m pregnant. That doesn’t mean we are having a baby.” His face fell.

“I…of course,” he said, slowly. “I guess I understand if that isn’t want you want…” His voice trailed off as he looked away from you.

“No! I,” you said, reaching up to put a hand on his cheek. “I want this more than anything, but I’m scared. What if it happens again? What if we lose this one too? I don’t know if I can go through that again.” He hugged you tight to his chest.

“If that happens, we will get through it together,” he said. “But this could be a good thing, it could go well. Whatever happens, it will be okay.”

***

You arrived at your twenty-week ultrasound, more nervous for this than anything in your life thus far. This was the day that they would look at every part of your baby and make sure that everything was okay. Taek gripped your hand while the technician took her measurements. This time, the baby looked like an actual baby on the blurry screen.

“Alright,” she said, still staring at the screen. “Look here: ten little fingers, all ten toes, four chambers in that little heart…everything is exactly how it should be.” You swore that Taek’s smile couldn’t possibly get any bigger.

“Do you want to know what you’re having?” she asked, beaming. Taek looked to you, searching your face for permission. You smiled and nodded, knowing he desperately wanted to know.

“Yes, please. Anything you can tell us about our baby,” he said, holding your hand in both of his.

“It’s a little boy,” she said. Taek leaned in to kiss you, repeatedly, not sparing any inch of your face that he could reach.

“Did you hear that?” he asked. “It’s a boy. We are having a little boy.”

“I heard,” you giggled. “I guess you’re happy about that, then?”

“Yes,” he said. “I would have been happy for either, but it just makes it so much more real to know that we are having a perfect little boy.”

The technician wiped off your growing tummy and packed away the equipment before giving you clearance to leave. You let out a breath that you didn’t know you had been holding. You knew that now that chances of miscarriage happening again was significantly lower, and that in about a month or two more, even if the baby came early it would probably live. You knew after this some of the fears that you had would be coming to a close and you could enjoy being pregnant.

***

A few weeks later, you were lying in bed next to Taekwoon, listening to him talk about his day before bed. His hand cradled your bump as he talked, when suddenly he froze. His gaze shot up to your face, and you smiled.

“Did he just?” he asked in disbelief. As if to prove his point, the baby kicked again.

“Yes, he did,” you said, smiling at your husband’s goofy smile. He leaned down, resting his cheek against your tummy.

“Hey baby boy,” he said. “It’s your daddy. I know we don’t know each other yet, but I want you to know that I love you so much and I can’t wait to meet you.” The baby kicked again, as if in response.  
“I think he wants to meet you too, Taek,” you said, laughing. From that point on, he made it a point to talk to your son every night before bed. It didn’t matter how late (or rather, early) he got home from work. He would slide into bed and lean down, whispering to the baby. He tried very hard not to wake you up, but you always pretended to be asleep when he accidentally did.

***

Several long months later, you were walking around the house when you felt a sharp pain in your back that wrapped around your whole abdomen. You lowered yourself to the floor, placing your hand against your bump. It felt harder than normal and you took a deep breath, steeling your nerves for what was to come. Taek was due home any minute, so you went about your business waiting for him.

When he came in, you were in the kitchen washing dishes. You had been timing your contractions for a while now, and knew it wouldn’t be long before it was time to go to the hospital. When you heard footsteps behind you, you called out his name.

“Yes, honey?” he said, walking up behind you.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I was going to shower after work.”

“No, you aren’t,” you said, smiling at him. “You’re taking me to the hospital.”

“It’s time?” he said, a panicked look taking over his easy smile.

“Yes, it’s time.”

***

Several hours later, you were exhausted, lying in the hospital bed, trying to sleep. The room was dim and your families had finally gone home as visiting hours were over. A small cot had been pulled into the room for Taekwoon to stay with you over night. Right now, he was sitting in the rocking chair, a tiny bundle in his arms.

“I love you, (Y/B/N),” he whispered. “And you’re going to grow up strong, and brave, and handsome, and you will never doubt how much we love you.”

You smiled as you watched them rock. He was quietly singing to him, his beautiful voice cracking with emotion as he sang. You drifted to sleep listening to his voice, thinking about how he was right when he said there was always next time. Nothing would erase the memories of your first child, but none of that pain could overshadow the love you felt when you watched your husband rocking your sleeping son.


End file.
